The Being of Death
by Larry Sells

Stanley P. Williams stood underneath the funeral tent. Dark clouds dumped cold water down on the tent as the wind picked up. Natalie’s casket was lowered into the ground. Pastor Smith finished reading from his Bible. Stanley tossed a flower into Natalie’s gravesite. After Stanley stepped back in line, Natalie’s spirit rose out of the grave and walked toward Stanley. Backing up, Stanley walked outside of the tent and cold rain struck his face. He looked toward Natalie’s coffin, but she was gone. Tears flowed down Stanley’s cheeks, as Pastor Smith finished praying for Natalie’s soul.

After the prayer, the family and friends took turns in tossing a flower on the casket. When Stanley tossed his second flower on the casket, he stood underneath the tent and watched people go through their routine of grief. The gravediggers started shoveling dirt on Natalie’s casket. Stanley watched the gravediggers filled the hole and replanted the sod on the barren grave. Stanley turned and looked at the weeping willow tree. The rain made the weeping willow to appear that it was weeping for Natalie. He looked at the other tombstones and noticed that their tombstones were slanted. There was a raised area running the base of their plots. It was as if they had risen and walked from their plots. Shaking his head, Stanley slowly walked to his car.

That night Stanley closed his eyes and started to dream. Natalie approached Stanley and said, "Why did you let me die."

Stanley looked at her and replied, "I didn’t. Mother you died when the nurse went to get you some water. You were feeling better and were beginning to eat some solid food. No one thought that you were going to die."

"You shouldn’t have put me in the home. You put me there to die. That’s the reason you put me in that home. You left there to die."

"Not true mother. Your health deteriorated and I could not take care of you. You needed full time care and I work over fifty hours a week at the UNI."

"Liar! You just didn’t want to take your responsibility and take care of me in my old age."

"Not true mother, and you know it. You couldn’t even walk, nor could you stand, after your heart attack."

"Excuses, excuses, that’s all you have. And empty ones at that."

"You know that what I’m saying is the truth. You know that I would have taken care of you if I could, but I didn’t have the knowledge to give you the proper care."

"Son, I know you could have taken care of me. I will haunt you and will never let you forget that you killed me."

Stanley rapidly raised his upper body and shouted, "No! No, mother. I do love you." Closing his eyes, Stanley slowly lowered his head back on the pillow and tried to fall back to sleep, instead his mind started to wander.

"Mother are you there," Stanley asked through Natalie’s door.

There was no answer.

Stanley went to the dresser drawer, grabbed the extra keys, and opened the door. He found Natalie lying on the kitchen floor. Rushing to her side, Stanley held up her right hand and felt for a pulse. It was there, but it was weak. Grabbing the phone, Stanley dialed 911. When the ambulance attendants arrived, Stanley was doing CPR on his mother. One of the attendants pushed him to one side while the other one hooked Natalie up to the portable EEG. The screen showed a flat line. Quickly the attendant put paddles on Natalie’s chest and shocked her. He was rewarded when the line started to go up and down in a regular fashion. "She’s back. We have to get her to Sartori Hospital."

The attendants quickly loaded Natalie into the ambulance. Stanley jumped into his car and followed the ambulance to the hospital. Tears fell on Stanley’s pillow; he wiped off his face, and tried to sleep.

The next day, Stanley’s eyes were bloodshot and heavy. His hands were shaky and his legs were wobbly. Stanley drank three cups of coffee before leaving for work. Before he reported to UNI’s, University of Northern Iowa, Bartlett Hall, Stanley went down to Hardee’s in Maucker Union and drank two more cups of coffee.

Stanley was in charge of cleaning the basement floor and the main level in Bartlett’s fourth floor structure. Another janitor cleaned the second and third floor. The fourth floor was closed because it lacked another exit other than the one locked door. Both janitors used that floor mostly for storage of extra beds and extra furniture. Stanley didn’t have to worry about walking up the four floors for his current supplies. The mop, vacuum cleaner, Wet Vac, brooms, and his cleaning supplies including toilet paper and paper towels were stored in the lower level and main level storage rooms.

On the bottom floor, there were tunnels that went underneath UNI’s campus. These tunnels had long been abandoned and served as storage areas of beds, mattresses, chairs, and other bits of furniture. Stanley heard that these tunnels were haunted.

At the end of his shift, Stanley walked past the tunnels and he suddenly stopped. He looked down the left side of the tunnel where an apparition in the form of his mother was pointing at him. The apparition said, "You killed me. You let me die. My death is all your fault."

Stanley shook his head then looked in the tunnel. She was still there. "It’s your fault that I’m dead. I’m going to haunt you."

Stanley put his hands over his head and started to run down the hall through the lobby to the time clock. With beads of sweat running down his forehead, Stanley found his time card and punched out. Down the parking lot, Stanley ran, jumped in his car, and drove home.

After Stanley arrived at home, he decided to drive to the little cemetery where Natalie was buried. Stanley parked the car across from the Natalie’s plot and walked there. Immediately, he noticed that the headstone was slanted and running the length of her plot was a raised area as if someone had unzipped it and crawled out. Pushing the sod back into place, Stanley felt that someone was watching him. He looked around and right next to the weeping willow tree stood Natalie. She slowly approached Stanley. When she was a fourth of the distance to him, Stanley closed his eyes and shook his head then looked back up. Natalie was gone. Quickly Stanley turned, ran back to his car, and left the cemetery. With shaky hands, and tears running down his cheeks, Stanley said, "I love you mother, I didn’t mean to put you in the nursing home. I didn’t have any choice in the matter." Wiping the tears from his eyes, Stanley tried to put Natalie from his mind, but couldn’t. For some reason, Stanley’s mind would not give him any peace.

Natalie was lying down in the nurse home’s bed. Stanley helped Natalie to raise her head, so she could drink water from her straw. When Natalie’s had finished her drink, she looked at Stanley and said, "You know, it’s your fault that I’m in this nursing home. You know I could be at my home right now and be happy. No, No, you put me in this god forsaken place." Natalie pointed her right finger at him. "It’s all your fault."

Stanley shook his head and said, "No, mom, you know I found you laying on the floor almost dead. I called the ambulance and they brought you back to life. You know if you get better you will be able to go home and live your normal life."

Striking the steering wheel, Stanley’s mind returned to his driving.

Later that night, Stanley was watching TV when he entered a merciless dream. Natalie was standing in front of Stanley. "It’s your fault that I’m dead. You put me in that nursing home. You let me die. You didn’t care what I felt. You are a selfish little man." Then, Natalie picked up her favorite knife, a butcher knife, and stabbed Stanley right in the heart.

Stanley jumped out of the couch and landed on his hands and knees breathing rapidly. He looked at his chest and rubbed his right hand over it and didn’t see any sign of a wound. After he took off his clothes and put on a pair of shorts, Stanley crawled into bed and attempted to sleep.

The mist of sleep took Stanley into the dream world. Stanley was back in Natalie’s house and walked into her bedroom. Natalie was just sat up in bed, faced Stanley, and pointed right at him. "You killed me and you will pay the price."

Stanley opened his mouth, but he couldn’t say anything. He tried again and again he fell silent.

"See your conscience agrees with me that you let me die." Natalie took out her butcher knife and threw it at Stanley. The knife entered his chest and Stanley wrapped his hands around the handle and tried to pull it out of his chest.

Stanley jumped up grabbing his chest. He had trouble in catching his breath. His heart was pounding hard in his chest trying to jump out of his chest. After five minutes, Stanley was able to calm himself down, but he wasn’t able to get back to sleep.

The next day Stanley called in sick and decided to drive into Parkersburg to look at the house where he spent his childhood. He drove into Parkersburg, passed Pizza Ranch, went around the curve onto Sixth Street, passed the cemetery, passed the ice cream and pizza shop then he saw the house number 519, Natalie’s house. There was a for sale sign in the yard. Suddenly, the door of the house opened and Natalie walked out onto the sidewalk. Natalie was walking toward the For Sale sign and pulled it out. Stanley shook his head and looked back. "You killed me. You let me die," Natalie’s voice boomed into Stanley’s ears.

The car started to leave the right lane and entered the left lane. A semi honked long and loud, but Stanley’s attention was on his mother. Stanley’s car struck head on with the semi. It pushed Stanley’s hood toward the windshield and pushed the steering wheel into Stanley’s chest killing him, instantly. Blood shot out of Stanley’s mouth and his dead eyes watched as Natalie turned around and walked back into her house.

  © Larry Sells