Extension of Thought
by: Lola

Part one
Second self

Please not again, I thought, images of rippling faces and hands danced around me, I felt hot and I couldn't breathe. The visions had completely taken over, and wouldn't leave. I turned to go into my bedroom and felt the pull of the people trying to talk to me, like trying to walk thru tall grass, grass that went past my head, I closed my eyes and felt around, the counter was cool under my touch, and felt gritty, everytime the visions were this powerful, they left a
chalky, smooth dust, like powdered silk. I recited hail marys as loudly and as quickly as I could, I tried to push away the images that blinded me, but it didnt work, I decided to sit on the floor and wait, wait for the vision to reveal itself.

I sat against the kitchen counter and opened my eyes. The air was a filmy blue, and I heard gentle waves, as I relaxed my mind, the image became clearer. I felt cold, and looked around, slowly the faded yellow curtains gave wat to fog, a rolling fog, and there was water, I was sitting in the middle of a lake. I heard frogs, I heard animals and I heard splashing. I looked and saw a woman, a thin, tanned woman swimming in the lake, she was beautiful, and swam slowly, I could tell she was naked. Then I saw a man, a man crouched by the acorn bushes nearby, he was watching her, but there was something different, he was touching himself and whispering, "M a r i a " he reached into his pocket and pulled something out, just then I felt something cold and hard in my hand, it was a knife, a hunting knife, but it wasn't my hand, it was his, I was looking thru his eyes. He stood up and looked around he saw no one, I
stood up and followed him. The girl was still swimming and had not noticed him watching her, she looked very young, 15 or 16, and she was humming, a song I didnt know. He approached the waters edge and stared at the girl, who was floating on her back, he began to step in the water, splashing towards her, I tried to yell, to warn her, but my mouth wouldn't move, I couldnt move and I couldn't warn her. He reached out and grabbed her hair, pulling her, she started to scream and flail. I ran towards them and and watched, he was telling her to be quiet, quiet because no one can hear you he said. He pulled her out onto the beach, holding her by her hair, the girl tried to get away, kicking and screaming, I went to her and touched her face, it was cold and wet, she had a little bit of sand on her chin, he dragged her to the bushes, and started to hit her, she was screaming, and crying. After a few minutes, the girl was quiet.  He wrapped her in a grey blanket and lifted her, he carried her off to a blue car and opened the trunk, he
gently laod her down, I looked and saw that she was moaning, she was still alive. I sat in the car with the man and looked around, I looked for signs, for street names, anything that would tell me where we were, but there wasn't much, he drove fast and all I saw was a cross by the road that lluvia, Spanish for water, there were floweres and a clay bowl underneath it, I looked back at the man an saw he was looking straight ahead, and whispering, "M a r i a, M a r i a, my love has come home." I looked in the car, it was clean, and it smelled like a cheap, flowery air freshener. The dashboard had a blue velvet cover. I tried desperatly to memorize these things, but my mind was cloudy. we came to a stop. he stepped out and I waited by the trunk, I could still hear her moaning, he opened the trunk and lifted her out, her head was bloody and she was limp. He carried her to the front steps of the cabin, he went in and closed the door.  More fog started to roll in, and I could tell the vision was starting to fade, I ran back towards the car and tried to look at the license plate, but everything around me was foggy, the ground felt unrealistically hard, and I knew I must be running around my kitchen. I looked at the car, ford it said, the plate was white, and all I could see were the letters c l.

I felt my head clearing and felt tired and shaky, I awoke and the kitchen was dark, it had been light when the vision started, so I didn't know how long I was out. I tried to stand, but I was too tired, so I laid down on the floor and fell asleep. I awoke and it was still dark, I climbed to my feet, my clothes felt wet, I went to the bathroom and turned on the water.

As I climbed into bed, I saw it was 1:43. I still felt shaky, weak, and I was so tired. This time the vision had more detail, but alot of the things I struggled to remember, were cloudy, and I had written them down anyway. I was scared, the visions had almost completely gone away, finally giving me some peace, and finally convincing my father that I wasn't crazy after all, but now I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know who to call. No one to believe me, no
one to call, and no one to warn.

Malik leaned over the cold counter. He noticed the dried brown blood under his fingernails. He tried desperatly to recall anything from the night before, but it was no use, he never remebered. "Of course you do silly." said Malcom. "you always can, you just choose not to." he said sarchastically. Malik looked in the mirror and saw his lips moving. "We took care of that slut, Maria" he said. "what have you done Malcom!" said malik. "You know you really should be
glad that I take care of these things for you, this way you dont have to dirty your hands. Well almost." he gave Malik a crooked smile.

I awoke with a pounding headache, and I felt dizzy and naucious. I stepped out of bed and felt something under my feet. I looked more closely, it was sand.  Where could I have gotten sand on my shoes I thought. I went to the bathroom and took four aspirins. The magic cure. I looked in the mirror and thought about what to do. If the visions were back, I didnt know what to do, I never knew where or when I would get them, and I couldn't possibly go into a trance at work, what would people think? I decided to make an appointment with Dr. Wissman He'd know what to do. I went to the closet and got dressed, I was already late for work.

Malik checked his hands over before he got out of the car, there were tiny lines of brown on two of his fingers, that wouldn't come off, no matter how hard he scrubbed, but they were barely noticable, unless you were looking for them he thought. He looked in the mirror, and heard Malcom. "I wish you'd stop fooling yourself, no one will hire you." he said. Malik screamed out in his thoughts, pushing Malcom just far enough to scare him away. Malik was scared, it had been getting harder and harder to keep Malcome at bay, he was getting stronger and stronger, and soon he may
not be able to control him like he used to. He had begun to take on a free will, and he was much stronger than Malik, but he never let him know that, because if it were up to Malcom, Malik would only be a figment of his own imagination, and Malcome would have free reign over his "life".

I climbed up the two flights of stairs and wondered how I would get thru the rest of the day, I worried about the visions, and the one that was so strong last night, and I feared that another one might return, and I might not be able to push it back, at least untill I got home. I reached the backdoor to the grocery store and knocked.

Alan heard a soft knock at the door. He got up to answer it. He opened the door to Guadalupe, she looked sick, she was pale and had tired eyes. "Hi cutie." he said. "I hate it when you call me that." Said Guadalupe. "I ain't no cutie today." she replied. "Whats wrong? You look terrible." He asked. "I had a rough night, I couldn't sleep, I think I'm
catching something." She said. "You want to go home?" asked Alan. "No I'll be fine once I get started, but if its okay, I'd like to see the doctor, so I need to leave a little early, if thats okay with you." said Guadalupe. "No problem." he smiled. She smiled back at him thinking to herself, I need to early because I saw someone murdered last night and I
need to ask the doctor why this is happening to me.

Malik climbed the stairs, he could faintly smell a citrusy perfume, it smelled nice a reminded him of Maria. He said a prayer before knocking at the door, this was his last chance, he had tried to get a job at every other place in town, and no one would hire him, all because of Malcom, he'd almost beaten a young man to death, but Malik didn't care, all together he'd spent about two years in jail, and had to pay a fine. He was a felon, and because of what Malome had done, people were wary about hiring him, and he could understand why, Malcom had a terrible temper. The
door was opened to a smiling man, who welcomed him in.

Alan looked over the store application for Malik Creed, he seemed nice enough, and had a good working history, and some education, but the problem was, he had a felony conviction and had served time in prison, and he was uncertain how to ask exactly what it was he had served time for. "Everything looks good," he started, he had gone thru the entire interview, as well as asking all the required questions. "Except for one thing." he watched him as he looked down at his application. "I know that the felony is a problem, but it was some time ago, and things were
alot different, it was a different time. I spent time in prison, and I am not the same person. I have applied for jobs everywhere, and no one will hire me, because of one mistake, and for that I am very, very sorry. But if you'll give me the opportunity, I can show you that my past has nothing to do with who I am today, beleive me, I will never ever make the same mistakes again, I wouldn't take the chance of going back to prison." Malik lied. Alan looked him over, he looked sincere, and didn't really look like a violent person, but he was still unsure. "What if I were to give you a 'trial' job? I'll start you off, but with the condition that if for any reason, your past interferes in any way with you or your job performance, for lets say six months, I will terminate you immediatly." He said. Malik breathed a sigh of releif, it was the only job opportunity he'd gotten for the last seven months, and anything he could do to occupy his mind, would keep Malcom out of his head and out of life. "I am grateful beyond words." he was barely able to get out. Alan smiled and asked if he could start right away.

I stood at my register looking down at my faded pale blue store issued smock and wondered where my life was going from here. I wondered if Alan was almost done with that interview. I looked towards the back office and saw him talking with a man, and shaking his hand, the man had a pale blue vest. I guess Alan hired him after all. He looked pleasant enough, he looked kind of familiar for some odd reason, I wasn't sure why.

As I bagged up Mrs. Greens groceries, cold stuff with cold stuff, dry stuff together, huge candy bars in a sperate bag, dont dare put toilet paper in with food, and lastly, double bag eveything, tripple bag the ice cream, and call her Mrs., not Ms.....I was lost in my thoughts when I noticed the man Alan had hired staring at me, but when I looked at him, he turned away, pretending like he wasn't even looking. He was checking out groceries, and Alan was right next to
him, it didn't look like he needed any help. He was a strange man, and quiet, silently doing his work and speaking as little as possible. There was something about him, that made me cautious, but it could have been from the vision the day before. I felt tired, and halfway drunk, the feeling you get from hardly sleeping. I felt much better as the day went on, but I knew that more visions would come, I hoped it wouldn't be soon.

©Lola

April 2000 HofP