I'm sitting in my prison cell , the sunlight is touching the back of my neck . I'm still wondering; wondering about why the hell did they say that I'm a murderer, why everyone looks at me in a strange way, why ?

I loved Mary , and I still do . We met in a New Years Eve party my friend was having in his house, we talked about a lot of things that night, and then I took her out and I fell in love with her. How couldn't I? She has the cutest eyes I ever saw, the most beautiful body, and the little mouth that wouldnt stop talking, I liked to listen to her talk .

We got married after dating for four month and Mary got pregnant . We had a lovely marriage and I loved her more than life. After nine months I loved another soul, Tommy, our new born, he was so beautiful and adorable . He had green eyes and blond hair, well actually he didn't have much hair, but I'm sure it was blond .

After Tommy entered our lives things changed, I started going out to play poker with my friends, because I didnt want to annoy Tommy with my friends voices. Some time's they drank too much so I started going to their houses.

Mary changed, too, after Tommy came. She was always complaining about Tommy's crying , and I always told her that he is still a baby and that's what babies do at his age . She said that I dont help her in taking care of him. "Why should I, it's a woman's job "; I thought.

Mary started shouting at me when I come home late , we started fighting a lot. I hated fighting with her, I loved her. Usually when she started to shout I'd just close out her voice and look at her mouth, that tiny beautifull mouth.

Tommy was making so much noise in the night, so I started sleeping in the living room, Mary wanted to come and sleep with me too, but I told her "What if Tommy wakes up ? ". She became different, she started caring less about me, when I wanted to make love to her she would tell me excuses, lies. I started losing her, I can't lose her, I'm nothing without her!

One day we where going to a party and she said that it would be better if we left Tommy home and brought a baby-sitter in to take care of him. I refused, I told her that I don't trust a stupid teenager  or whatever, then I decided to go by myself . You wouldn't imagine the trouble my decision made!

Mary started to shout at me and we fought . She said that I dont care about her, that I only cared about Tommy, she said that I didnt give her anything, that I only took and that she is the one who always sacrifices! She said that everything was over between us, she slammed the door on her way out.

After she left I started to cry and so did Tommy, he cried and cried and wouldnt stop. I looked at him, my dearest Tommy.  At the same time I was thinking about Mary, I thought about losing her, I thought about gaining her, thought about how to gain her again, thought till my mind burst. I looked at Tommy and remembered her complaints, then it came to my mind .

I knew how to make things like they used to be, I took Tommy with me to the kitchen and started preparing a surprise for my lovely Mary, I had made my choice .

In the morning I called Mary's mother to see if she was there, I asked for her and told her that I was sorry and that I have a surprise for her, after begging her on the phone she said "Ok" . The bell rang and my heart started to beat rapidly, I let her in, and she sat in the living room, I told her to wait there and I went and brought the box.

I gave her the box with a "forgive me" kind of smile, trying to hide that I was crying all night long. She took it, I told her that she was the only one in my life and that I would sacrifice my dearest things to make her happy.

She opened the box and fainted. The box fell to the floor and a baby's head rolled out. It was Tommy's head .

Tambi jalouqa is 19 years old and studies mathematics in Turkey .