Afternoon Update
by Brian Rosenberger
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To: yvonne
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Subject: afternoon update
feeling a bit better. still sneezing far too much. i'm gonna get whiplash. my curse for
getting caught in the rain. i think chatting with you has set me on the road to recovery.
at least pointed me in the right direction. finally got up (meaning i moved from the bed
to the couch) around 10. fixed two toasted cheese sandwiches for lunch (sneaked in a
cookie or 2 or 5) and just veged until the doorbell rang.
who the hell's visiting me. you're @work. who else is there? do bill collectors make house
calls? it was just matt. he went to the library book sale and saw the jeep parked in the
driveway and thought he'd say howdy. we watched some wrestling when the doorbell rang. it
was my upstairs neighbor, the black chick who always has boyfriend problems. it seems her
apt. was broken into. it gets better.
she wanted to use the phone but asked me if i had call block on some shit. always
inquisitive matt asked what was stolen. she said her tv and the culprit most have broken
in through her bathroom window as the screen was torn off. keep in mind she lives above
me. she left w/o contacting anyone at least as far as "ears' brian could tell. no
cops, no nothing. it gets better.
matt left around one and i went out to run some errands, mail some letters and pick up
foodstuffs for tonite. excitement at the grocery store was nonexistent. upon exiting my
not-quite-palace of-ill-repute, the burgled one was still sitting in her car with some
dude. entering my-not-quite-palace-of-ill-repute, she was arguing with two other black
chicks. my neighbor yelled, "if you come near me, i'm calling the law." it gets
better. the guy she was with drives her car BEHIND the building. she says to him some shit
about "your ass will be back in jail another three years." it must be love.
later i went out to survey the crime scene. i didn't see any visible damage, let alone
anyway to gain access to the second floor unless the person in question had been bitten by
a radioactive spider sometime during their teenage years. anyway so much for rest. i'm
gonna jingle the landlord later. among the things i do not want certainly includes anyone
sneaking around the premises, be it ghetto gun nuts w/o hydrocortisone cream, flatfoots
(or is that flatfeets), bill collectors, false prophets, fat vegetarians, thieves or
radioactive teens with amazing spiderlike abilities. you can't be too careful.
dinner is definitely still on for tonight. the cold is well worth the main course i
appropriated. looks to be aged 7 years. a tender little female. i know your taste for the
fairer sex. the things one does for love. still draining as i type. i'll start the other
eatables when i'm off here. potatoes here i come. is your mouth watering yet? remember
undergarments optional, appetite mandatory.
don't snack.
smooches to you
brian
p.s. i could really get used to this staying home stuff.
©2000 Brian Rosenberger |