AUDIO TRANSCRIPT
CABLEWORKS, INC.
ROUTE 10, NEW JERSEY
STUDIO C
06:00-06:10 HRS
JUNE 24, 2000

A DIGITAL RED NEON CUE.

STANDBY.

Voices in the ether...

DIRECTOR: "Tune in everyone. We've got to air in ninety seconds. Okay. Listen up. Engineering ready to roll, record and confirm? Engineering? Engineering put your headphones on!"

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Ready slate..."

ENGINEER: "Engineering to control, ready to roll, record and confirm chief..."

DIRECTOR: "Ready sixty second countdown...A.D. punch it!"

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Countdown started. Sixty, fifty nine, fifty eight..."

DIRECTOR: "Ready music, ready lights, ready CG..."

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "S**t!"

DIRECTOR: "Who said that?"

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "Cordless microphone just bit it chief...we got no backups neither..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Forty nine, forty eight, forty seven..."

ENGINEER: "Engineering is ready to roll VTRs one, two and three..."

DIRECTOR: "Tell Chris to drag in a cable mic..."

CAMERA ONE: "Chris is on vacation. We got an OJT from Frisco playing floor manager today. Be nice. His dad owns a bank."

FLOOR MANAGER: "Hi fellas! My name's Mike! You can call me Spike! I've always wanted to be in show business!"

DIRECTOR: "Spike, this is God. Put a cable microphone on the talent when she arrives..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "But it'll show on the monitor..."

DIRECTOR: "Just get the f**king mic pinned to her t*t Spike!"

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Thirty eight, thirty seven, thirty six..."

DIRECTOR: "Gimme a larger font on the CG..."

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Music is cued, ready cart..."

CG: "Chief! We don't have time to retype the credits..."

DIRECTOR: "Above-the-line staff?"

CG: "Oh, yeah. Gotcha Chief..."

DIRECTOR: "Ready to fade up lights..."

CG: "CG set, ready to roll opening credits..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Twenty four, twenty three, twenty two..."

MAKEUP: "Jimmy! Chief! You out there..."

DIRECTOR: "Dave? What the hell are you doing on headphones? Get back to makeup!"

MAKEUP: "Sorry chief but I tell you she's gonna trip on that mic cable, you know she's been a little queasy the last couple of mornings and..."

CAMERA THREE: "So queen b***h drops on her Q scores..."

EXEC PRODUCER: "Who said that!"

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Eighteen, seventeen, sixteen, fifteen..."

DIRECTOR: "Engineering roll, record and confirm..."

ENGINEER: "Rolling..."

DIRECTOR: "Gimme Bars and tone..."

ENGINEER: "Bars and tone chief..."

DIRECTOR: "Ready to cue talent..."

TALENT: "Jim I can't dance with this cable around my ankles..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "Cueing slate..."

DIRECTOR: "Kill bars and tone...suck it up Mary. Its only for thirty minutes..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six..."

TALENT: "But..."

DIRECTOR: "Now...roll credits, roll cart, roll VTR one..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "This is great!"

DIRECTOR: "Cue talent!"

TALENT: "Hi everybody! It's me, Mary Alice Bonesteel, and I want to welcome you all to BODYTALK, the worldwide workout show of the future! Broadcast live from our Tele-aerobic's Facility in sunny New Jersey!"

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "Its raining outside you moron..."

DIRECTOR: "Spike! Clear the set!"

ENGINEER: "Rolling VTR two..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "But they're the sponsers Chief! The people from Kitty-Scent-Stopper and Nozitt Facial Applications. They want to see a real live show close up and..."

TALENT: "...and through the magic of special effects, I'll be exercising in exotic locations such as Spain, Brazil..."

DIRECTOR: "Off the God damn set NOW!"

ENGINEER: "Rolling VTR three..."

DIRECTOR: "And Spike! Get those drooling gaffers back behind the syke!"

UNION REP: "With all due respect I have to protest your treatment of the members of Local..."

DIRECTOR: "One more word from you s**t-for-brains and I axe your whole staff! Audio up!"

TALENT: "Hawaii, France and right here in wonderful California..."

DIRECTOR: "Punch the filmchain...I need those beach party slides..."

TALENT: "Yes BODYTALK is a regular party of exercise..."

DIRECTOR: "Roll first workout cart, bring up lights, dissolve to program, cue talent, camera one gimme a tight close-up, camera two truck to the left and fix her profile...where the hell is my steadycam...oh great camera two, why in hell would I want a close-up of her *ss when she's talking? Pan left!"

FLOOR MANAGER: "She's signaling she wants the Teleprompter slowed up..."

CAMERA TWO: "But its such a nice a**..."

UNION REP: "I'm surprised she can even read..."

STEADYCAM: "P**ywhipped son of a..."

DIRECTOR: "Watch it mister..."

CAMERA TWO: "Dumbass blonde needs a guide dog not contact lenses..."

DIRECTOR: "Dissolve up to camera one, ready to cut to two..."

TALENT: "Good morning everyone! I can hear your bodies working out all over this fantastic planet."

DIRECTOR: "Cut to two, cut to one, steadycam, ready to dissolve to three..."

CONTROL BOARD: "How do I get out of this chicken s**t outfit?"

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "It speaks!"

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "It...is...alive..."

DIRECTOR: "Too fast for you Larry?"

CONTROL BOARD: "Mr. Fingers can take anything you got Jimmy."

DIRECTOR: "Two pan right..."

TALENT: "Isn't this a great song? That's right! This is all part of our 80's retrospective week. Nothing but songs from the 80's! Did any of you see the movie? Let's hear them muscles singing!"

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "I can't believe we're playing this s**t..."

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "Exec's got the imagination of a f**king grapefruit..."

STEADYCAM: "Nothing rocks like 80's rock and roll junior."

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: "I heard that!"

DIRECTOR: "Dissolve to one, ready to cut to steadycam..."

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "You always were a kiss-a** Bill..."

CAMERA ONE: "Is it just me or is she putting on a little weight?"

STEADYCAM: "Blow me Parker."

TALENT: "Sorry about this cable around my waist folks. Seems our technical crew had a little trouble with my cordless microphone today. Okay. Jumping jack splits with a shoulder bounce. One, two, three, one, two, three I'm just a steel town girl on a Saturday night, waiting for the..."

DIRECTOR: "Give it to the steadycam"

STEADYCAM: "Man she's got a nice pair of jugs..."

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "Wonder if they're real..."

DIRECTOR: "Oh you know it..."

CAMERA ONE: "Lucky bastard..."

DIRECTOR: "Audio ride that goddamn VU meter, I've got distortion levels up the a**."

TALENT: "I'm a maniac, a maniac I know..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Three minutes to commercial chief..."

DIRECTOR: "Engineering. Let's try the new digital s**t. Ready a multiple freeze frame when she drops for pushups..."

ENGINEER: "D-two is set."

CONTROL BOARD: "Can anyone say digital masturbation?"

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Oh Christ the NYU film grad is in preacher mode..."

CONTROL BOARD: "Up yours Davey you f**king jerkwater community college dropout!"

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Did I hit a nerve Scorsese Junior?"

DIRECTOR: "Save it for later kids..."

TALENT: "I'm sweating today America. Boy can I feel my muscles singing. Can you feel yours?"

FLOOR MANAGER: "I'd like to feel her..."

DIRECTOR: "Cut the goddamn chatter. I want those cameras moving and for Christ's sake camera two cool it with the zooms!"

TALENT: "Time to build those big busts. Let's do pushups..."

CAMERA TWO: "Oh mommy..."

DIRECTOR: "Gimme those frames, dissolve to one...right...cut to two, now three..."

STEADYCAM: "Twenty says she's a C-cup."

TALENT: "Yeah, yeah, yeah push it everybody. I know I've been under the weather the last couple of days but today I'm happy, and sunny and we're gonna work up a storm!"

CAMERA THREE: "Nossir! D-cup all the way."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Sure looking better than she was yesterday..."

CAMERA TWO: "You're both on! She's definitely got Double-D potential in my book. Split that sports bra Mary Alice!"

DIRECTOR: "Ready second cart...roll cart...cut to steadycam..."

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Music up."

TALENT: "One, and two, one and two, work those leg muscles now, oh yeah we're walking on sunshine, oh yeah, we're all walking on sunshine, oh yeah, and don't it feel good..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "I think I'm in love..."

CAMERA ONE: "I think I'm gonna puke..."

EXEC. PRODUCER: "Let's tone the commentary okay boys..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "One minute, sixty seconds to commercial..."

STEADYCAM: "Oh great the Exec's a born-again..."

CAMERA TWO: "Ashamed of your hard-on ,suit?"

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "Maybe he doesn't like girls..."

EXEC. PRODUCER: "You...you bastards!"

DIRECTOR: "Camera one and three truck left...cut to one...cut to three...camera two pedestal up...I said up! Get your frigging mind off her legs and shoot!"

TALENT: "Now you're gonna work those tummy muscles real good...oh yeah I'm walking on sunshine, oh yeah, I'm walking on sunshine..."

CAMERA TWO: "But they're such nice legs chief..."

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "You're right. She HAS put on a couple of pounds..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "One minute and forty six, forty five, forty four..."

DIRECTOR: "Dissolve to one...dissolve to steadycam...and keep her workout shoes in focus three! We're getting five figures for all the talent's clothes today!"

ENGINEER: "Ready to roll Spandex commercial Jim, VTR four in sync..."

EXEC. PRODUCER: "The joys of expanded market revenue Jimmy. A couple of more months and we're all going to be rich!"

DIRECTOR: "And save the stock reports for later...Andy! Gimme a red gel on her hair...cut to one..."

LIGHTING DIRECTOR: "Man. She's looking hot today...red gel up!"

DIRECTOR: "Ready the strobes for the knee lifts...dissolve to two..."

TALENT: "And look what this does to my bum muscles tee hee!"

DIRECTOR: "Steady camera one..."

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "I think I'm getting an erection..."

TALENT: "That's right everybody work those tummy muscles. I'd do it with you but Mary Alice just found out she's pregnant! Isn't that just wonderful? I'm walking on sunshine oh yeah..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Sixty seconds, fifty nine, fifty eight..."

DIRECTOR: "What the f**k did she say?"

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Ready to roll third music cart..."

DIRECTOR: "Camera two back up! Dammit steadycam stay in the foreground!"

ENGINEER: "Rolling third cart..."

DIRECTOR: "Music up."

TALENT: "Let's do some sit-ups everybody...straight up now tell me, straight up now tell me, are you really gonna love me forever, uh, uh, uh, or, are, you, just...uh, keeping me from my baby. Seems my boyfriend doesn't want my baby. He says you all wouldn't work out with a pregnant woman. He says it would bring down the ratings..."

DIRECTOR: "Spike! Make that bitch shut the f**k up! Do it now we're on air!"

FLOOR MANAGER: "But..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Forty two, forty one, forty..."

TALENT: "I know you're watching this Jimmy. You ARE the Director...are you really gonna love me forever, uh, uh, uh, or, were you just having fun..."

DIRECTOR: "Shut the f**k up you stupid bitch shut the f**k up!"

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Jesus chief calm down..."

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "Chief we just blew floor lamp..."

CG: "Chief! Exec says we gotta CG crawl that hurricane warning..."

DIRECTOR: "What? Wait a second..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Twenty, nineteen, eighteen..."

CONTROL BOARD: "Jimmy? Stay on Camera two?"

DIRECTOR: "Camera two! What the hell are you doing? Get back on your shot!"

CAMERA TWO: "She's got a knife!"

TALENT: "Jimmy you cut us both out of your life. Just like this..."

DIRECTOR: "For Christ's sake somebody stop her!"

FLOOR MANAGER: "Holy S**t!"

CAMERA THREE: "She's bleeding! She's bleeding!"

TALENT: "Can you see our baby Jimmy? He's in here somewhere..."

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Starting slate."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Ten, nine, eight..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "Oh my God, oh my God!"

TALENT: "Jimmy honey.... This should...bring the old ratings up....yuh...your precious...ratingssss...uhhh..."

CAMERA ONE: "She fell! Oh Christ the blood..."

DIRECTOR: "Put pressure on the wound! S**t! S**t! S**t!"

MAKEUP: "Uh Chief? The sponsors are kind of freaking in the green room..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "She's not breathing!"

CAMERA ONE: "Its on my shoes! Jesus the blood! The blood!"

DIRECTOR: "Oh Mother of God no..."

FLOOR MANAGER: "I'm gonna hurl..."

DIRECTOR: "This can't be happening..."

STEADYCAM: "Somebody get a f**king ambulance..."

CAMERA TWO: "Call 911! Call 911!"

DIRECTOR: "I'm ruined...I'm f**king ruined..."

AUDIO DIRECTOR: "Chief maybe we should....no don't!"

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: "Gun!"

CG: "Take the gun away from your head chief! It ain't worth it!"

CONTROL BOARD: "Just relax Jimmy and give me the pistol. Okay pal?"

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: "Nooooooo!"

**CRACK!**

**FEEDBACK SQUEAL**

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: "f**k! My ears!"

MAKEUP: "Chief the sponsors could really use some consoling about now! Uh...chief?"

CONTROL BOARD: "Oh Jesus Jimmy no...."

EXEC. PRODUCER: "But but but..."

ENGINEER: "Chief? Chief? Engineering is ready to roll VTR four..."

ASST. DIRECTOR: "Three, two, one..."